Quarterly health update
A slow and painless march to rotundity
It creeps up on you, you see it happening slowly in the mirror; your handles become more loving, a fingertip will suddenly disappear in your belly button, and pantaloons suddenly become extra friendly with your backside.
The accumulation of fat on one’s body is a natural and widely hated phenomenon, one we almost all experience in our lifetimes, but also choose to largely ignore, because the day to act is not today.
As promised in my last health update, I am sharing my latest metrics to embarrass myself into staying in shape.
Overall, I’ve been doing ok, despite spending more time away than at home, and with the constant struggle of replacing an unwelcome zoom invite with a workout, or simply fighting the desire to awaken from a severely jetlagged slumber.
The battle with lipid accretion has been getting real, I’ll start with a general update on key metrics, and finish with what I’m going to do about it.
Sleep
Still sporadic but trending in the right direction. My sleep quality has drastically gotten better for two main reasons.
The first is a simple but effective techniques to counter jetlag:
Eat and sleep like you’re at your destination as soon as possible. Change your clock when you take off. Try to sleep on the plane if it’s bedtime. Drink lots of water and take extra electrolytes.
Keep caffeine intake minimal, no matter how tired you are. Two cups in the morning have been enough, even on 15-hour time shifts. Struggle through the day, get sunlight when you start to dose off, and battle your fatigue to the end. You will sleep like a bear on your first night.
Check the assigned hotel room for strong air conditioning and distance from the elevators. If the room sucks, demand a change, if there are no rooms available, say you suffer from insomnia and won’t be able to sleep. A solution will always be offered.
At home, I’ve finally succumbed to Tim Ferris and Andrew Huberman’s incessant recommendations of the overpriced 8sleep mattress pad. Luckily it comes with a fake doctor’s note that you can use with your health spending account, equivalent to a 45% discount given my over-taxed state.
It was definitely the missing piece of the puzzle. Being cryogenically frozen in my own mattress guarantees near-perfect sleep every time.
After Homer, my 8sleep is the thing I miss most when I leave home.
Steps
Walking with or without aim has not been a challenge. Committing to the 10K average a day has been easy; airports are large, running paths are abundant, and weekends are good for catching up in this area.
A new addition is walking in circles when speaking on the phone, which happens a lot more frequently than I like these days (the phone talking, not the going in circles, that’s usually more entertaining than the conversation I’m having).
Floors
Stairs are everywhere. They are usually right next to the elevator or escalator.
When hidden, they are poorly ventilated and not as well maintained as the visible ones. So far, other than the occasional foul odor, they have been a good salvo for my daily floor target.
If you’re rushing down the stairs to make it in time for a cleanup before your ever so important first zoom of the day, grab the handrails with your dominant hand and an underhand grip. Keep your arm behind you — if you fall, your ass will take the brunt, it’s much better at that than your face.
Intensity minutes
I’ve done so many pushups and burpees I’ve lost count. I hate them so much, but they are so darn efficient when all you have is 30 minutes.
Pushups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, planks, running around the gym like a madman when no one is around at ungodly and dark hours, helps fill in the rest of the workout.
300+ minutes of weekly activity have been a non-issue.
So, what gives?
Let’s talk data to make this objective.
My body fat percentage and weight haven’t really changed, my waist and ass have each gained an inch.
This means that I’ve managed to transfer muscle from my center of gravity to other spots, likely shoulders and legs from all the damn burpees, and enabled my center to be ensconced with nature’s insulant.
The reason is very simple: despite all my efforts, I’ve been succumbing to the calling of many delicious foods.
While I’m not gravely concerned, I no longer have my set of backups ‘wide pants’ —I used to keep a backup set 2” larger to accommodate the occasional expansion.
These pants have long been purged from my wardrobe, because 2 begets 4, then 6 , and before you know it, all hell has broken loose.
Here is what I intend to do about the situation.
I haven’t earned S!@t.
An extra-long day, lots of bad news, a night of bad sleep, making it through flight delays, irritating humans, and unforeseen circumstances, all good fodder for our brains to say, “you’ve earned that slab of butter on your bread, go for it, and maybe go for seconds”.
These are lame reasons that will no longer qualify.
Skipping breakfast doesn’t mean doubling up on lunch.
I feed in the evening, like a wild boar let loose onto lush grazing fields. I always have a big dinner and some snacks before bedtime, because I skip breakfast and have a very light lunch.
I am no longer in control of my lunch destiny, and hotels seem to always have breakfast in locations that slap you in the face on your way out.
It’s gotten a lot easier to justify one for the lack of the other, but slowly the lines have been blurring.
This insanity needs to stop.
No breakfast, light lunch, and good dinner are enough. Then hide mini protein bars everywhere.
No really means no.
“Have you ever tried this kind of cookie, its green, so it must be healthy?”
“This is a special snack made by the so and so of the who and who, you must try it.”
“These are low fat, I swear, the chocolate is extra dark too.”
Out of politeness or just plain giving up, I’ve decreased my percentage of “no” responses to the lovely people who pile these things up in meeting rooms.
Even when I succeed at my no, they leave them there in plain sight, and the battle between my eyes, brain, and stomach ensues.
Let me be clear: I do not have a sweat tooth, but I will eat anything my brain tells me to.
Now what?
Compared to what my people are going through in Palestine, and now Lebanon (where a large swath of my immediate family resides), I am in no grave danger.
But I’ve made a commitment to myself when I started this job, so I will stick to it.
From this day on, I vow to only eat what my body needs, if not for my health, then to avoid the indignity of buying even more overpriced and oversized pantaloons.
Foot note
Despite my seemingly complain-ful post. I am quite grateful and pleased with how things are going so far.
Last week was a sandwich of pleasure, where I started the weekend with my good friend Musab, roaming yet another long weekend in the streets of (still safe) Mexico city, only an hour away from Guadalajara, where I ‘had to’ end up for work.
The week in Salt Lake city, the trip home required a stop over, so why not make it where my favorite band ‘coincidentally’ chose to play. It didn’t stop there, I met not one, but two of my good friends from my Schlumberger days in Brazil, many years ago.
One who happened to live in Salt Lake, the other randomly visiting to scour lithium from depleted oil wells for his latest startups.
Excellent coincidences all over, well worth the lost sleep and excess calories.
Until the next time, may our rational brains always triumph over our feeble guts.
I use a Garmin watch, it comes with Garmin connect and lots of data. It can't predict anger, they're still working on that.
If you can focus on health with your insane schedule, the rest of us have no excuse. What apps do you recommend to measure steps, sleep, etc? My Apple Watch doesn’t seem to keep up with your data quality.